Mood, spare me mercy and just kill me argh. My mind feels tangled up as if its been clawed and meddled with like a ruined ball of wool. My thoughts mixed up, my head hurts, but they just won't leave me alone. Maybe its cause i don't want them to. To the 2 people in the world who i am clearly starting to detest, i hope you know who you are. The fact that you both have no sense of reponsibility or sensitivity, it initially disgusted and upseted me to put you both under the same category though it only seems right now. All this while, i thought one of you at least had a heart or a thought of decency to spare. I sit here, killing myself alive wondering what's happening, how, when, what. I am vaguely aware subconciously that i'm being yanked apart partially by my thoughts but i can't help myself. My mind's too clustered and concentrating on the pain in disappointment i feel comes as almost painless, like i'm on anesthesia. Party 3 made a bullet point i can't believe i allowed myself to overlook. I always had confidence in being thorough with my thoughts, now it seems to me that perhaps party 4 is right. I look deeper into my thoughts and ponder hard about the details. Which so far, hasn't made my life any better. I've always been expecting perfection in my thoughts, clearing every single doubful detail to leave me clear minded and sure of what i wanted. Instead, all it did was clothed myself with disappointment and graze.
Sometimes in life you've gotta lie to yourself to believe. After all, lie comes right in the middle of believe.
I've been telling myself to let go and i promise whoever reads this, I will.
I just need to sort both my head and hurt out.
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